Next steps are scary.
Please excuse the blatantly obvious opening statement. Sometimes you just have to state facts. And right now, when so much seems up in the air, stating a fact is one small way to root yourself to reality.
I’ve learned a lot in my short time with Interyear. One of the most notable things I’ve gained is simply the ability to non-judgmentally observe aspects of my personality and put words to the many unique quirks that make me who I am. I’ve finally named the fact that I love to stay in my head. I can think my way in circles, entertaining myself for hours falling down rabbit holes. But in doing this, I rarely act. I think and think and think until I’ve “figured out” what it is I’ve been pondering, and then I release it. I don’t feel the need to actually do what it is I’ve pondered upon.
This prolonged pondering is exactly what I’ve been doing when it comes to my vocation. Up until a few months ago, I had stalled myself out dreaming up options for the future without ever taking action on any of them. Never taking a next step. It’s safer this way, you see. I can never fail at walking if I never take a step.
Next steps are scary.
Yes, we are back to that most obvious of statements. It’s true, though. It is scary to step out into the unknown and act upon something that could or could not come to fruition. But I’ve learned something else in my time with Interyear. I’ve learned that God calls us to action just as much as we are called to quiet contemplation. God has gifted me in specific ways and instilled passions and desires in my heart that are unique to me. To not act on those sacrifices the good works of ministry that God has set out for me to accomplish, helping to realize the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth.
Thankfully I’m in a safe place this year to try things out. To take shaky baby steps, stumble and maybe even fall. I’ve got people around me that are encouraging me to get back up and try again. I’ve got people holding my hand when I need it and cheering me on as I try things out on my own.
Next steps are scary. But by God’s grace, I’m taking them.
Kaitlyn Harville is one of our Fellows currently serving at First Christian Church of Johnson City. Originally from Morristown, TN, she is a graduate of Milligan College and Emmanuel Christian Seminary. You can read more of her writing on her personal blog, Spoken Silence.